is this body even achievable for me?

So I used to be 287, now 175. my stomach is still big and doesn't look the best. I have stretch marks, they used to be big and purple now they are small and kinda white ish. I can tell that I am starting to get some loose skin. If I work out and eat right all the time, would I be able to get this body? or is it actually impossible for me to have this...
even if it was achievable through surgery... would I have scars?

HOW CAN I GET THIS BODY?!!

update: College, Hospital, Plan.

Well it's my last year bloggers, I'm so excited.

I'm going to be so busy this year, I already have so many assignments... I have 5 classes... and next semester I will have 7 lol, so it will be even tougher my last semester of school. GREAT.

My weight has been up and down between 170-175lbs. Havent really been too over 175lbs.
Tomorrow I and buying a gym membership.

I have been eating ok, not enough somedays and too much other days.
I need to learn how to grocery shop, I suck at it... hardcore lol.

I'm starting to feel a little bit better about myself, but not much. I'm still so insecure about my body its crazy. By Cuba in april I WANT/NEED to be in a bikini! I am going to try my hardest.

So you know that really ridiculous weight that shakes up and down and looks like your basically giving someone a handjob.
well yeah i want one of them. They are called the shake weight... I think.
I tried one in store the other day, and man its actually a good workout. It gets all your arms but all your stomach muscles too, thats where i could feel it the most. It was also working my butt and thighs! so next time i go by the as seen on tv store... I'm buying it.  $30.. not bad. Thanks osap!

so the reason for my absence this summer was ... well I kept getting very sick

I puke every morning, don't know why and the doctors told me I was a puzzle.
I was in and out of the hospital a few times, this one morning i puked 25 times... all stomach bile.. because i didnt eat. well I ate half a banana to try and make me feel better but that came up too :(
so they put me on an IV and put a litre of liquids in and also 50ml of gravol

I felt good :P


I also discovered I have a gullstone, so somethings I eat really upset me now.. which is ok. :P
but it is really painfull sometimes. so bad.. screaming in the night. gah
this one time It actually felt like I was having a heart attack.

but i didnt wanna go to the hospital because where I am the weight times and doctors are fucking messed up.... small town. Lots of sick people. grr

anyways I'm doing better now.

I want to start doing my vlogs again but its hard to find time. I will make an update one.

I need to get into a good workout routine.
I've been doing p90x a couple times a week with my friends.
it works, but I need to stick with it hardcore.

I want a flat stomach so bad.

I'm so worried about extra skin!!

I used to be huge. (287lbs) so now I think my skin is gunna be all saggy when I loose more, I already see it happening.
If I work out and eat proteins and shizz, will my skin kind of go back on its own or will I need surgery?

and If i need surgery (which if i do need I WILL get) will it leave bad scars?

Also anyone know something amazing that takes away or makes stretch marks less visible?

Thanks guys!!! :)

god damn

well...    

today i am 172   and only because i spent the night puking.

we had these bomb ass nachos last night when we went out for dinner. mm so good they were made with like fries things instead of tortilla chips. i felt horrible after because of all the calories but i wassnt gunna let it ruin our date night

well after we went to a friends place and had a few drinks.   he had one cus he was driving and i had.... tequila, bubblegum vodka, and porn star shots.. lol baaaaaaaad.  i was very drunk.. too drunk to "burn off calories" with my boyfriend :( annnd i ended up puking half the night and morning.. felt better like an hour before i had to work at five.

so yeah. have had half a cup of brown rice, chicken noodle soup and a diet grilled cheese sammich.  feeling a lil sick still.  had so much water today. puke kept puking it up. i suspect ill be up tomorrow because of how dehyratedx i was

better day yesterday

yesterday was good for eating, i didnt eat anything meal wise... maybe 150 calories at the most  had a few licks of my boyfriends icecream to keep me from passing out lol

i woke up at 174.5  so getting this shit off this week :) by friday id like to be at least 171 again. im gunna be cleaning the fuck outa my house this week so i figure that will burn some nice cals, specially cus i wont eat during the day when theres cleaning to do. and then i go to work at five, forget to eat or remember not to eat lol and get home at ten... then the excuse is... its too late to eat ill get sick in the  morning.. and  my bf is at work all day so he cant make me eat. its a good system, i just must refrain from eating tid bits at work to keep me going... instead i shud bring some baby carrots or tomatoes to snack on.

well ive had some toast today with weight watchers bread and made a sammich for lunch so i dont eat icecream lol.  hopefuly im down tomorrow. will burn calories off tonight too... its date night ;)

I fucked up

hard..

so after sushi, it was basically all down hill from there. I ate so much this week, I was a fucking pig.   Hence my absence. Not that anyone gives a fuck.

But yeah my weight has gone up to a whopping 177lbs. so I gained like 5.5lbs AT LEAST. So this week is the week to get it the fuck off. I need to be 165 by September and I only have about a fucking month left.

I can do it, just sucks cus I'm gunna be.. so unhappy while doing it. great.  Oh and to top this all off, I'm so fucking bloated from my period which i just got, maybe thats some of the reason for this weight gain? maybe.... that or im just a fat fucking pig like everyone told me my whole fucking child hood.

Sometimes, I rather be dead.. because this is an endless battle and I'm never going to be happy.

I feel so imperfect and gross.